Orgasmic Chocolate Chip Cookies

I had been longing for a delicious chocolate chip cookie for days.
Lack of finances always throws a kink into my cravings.
So I decided to make some of my own, only I was lacking the key ingredient: chocolate chips.
It's in times like these that I'm grateful I live next to my in laws. They indeed had chocolate chips and were happy to surrender them to my need for something sweet.
I present to you the mos scrumptious chocolate chip cookies I've ever had.

1 cup butter, softened
1 cup white sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons hot water
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
(I thought as I was making them that some kind of nut would be delicious, like walnuts or pecans. If you have some throw a cup of them into the mix.)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cream together the butter, white sugar, and brown sugar until smooth.
Beat in the eggs one at a time, then stir in the vanilla.
Dissolve baking soda in hot water. Add to batter along with salt.
Stir in flour, chocolate chips, and nuts if you so choose. Drop by large spoonfuls onto cookie sheet.
Bake for about 10-12 minutes.

They were so deliciously yummy, but had kind of a cakey texture, which I actually liked.
They were sweet enough, but not tooth achingly sweet.
& they were gone within one day, although I have found 2 half eaten ones today around the house, one of which was in the kids' basket of mega blocks. Saving it for later I imagine...

I love Amy Sedaris

I wanted to make something special for Easter & couldn't decide what to do. Then it hit me..my favorite bunny loving person in the world has a cupcake recipe I've been wanting to try for ages.

My love for Amy Sedaris reaches deeper than you can even imagine. Any woman who decides a great joke to play on her dad would be to wear a fat suit & convince him that she somehow gained hundreds of pounds over the course of 6 months would be a great idea is more than okay in my book. Oh..and she has gifted Martha Stewart a bong. Can you say awesome? Yep.

So I present to you the Amy Sedaris cupcake recipe.

1 1/2 sticks of unsalted butter
1 3/4 cups of sugar

Beat well, then add:

Add 2 large eggs
2 Teaspoons of pure vanilla
1/2 teaspoon of salt
2 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder
2 1/2 cups of flour
1 1/4 cups of milk

Beat well, fill cups, and bake at 375 degrees for 18-20 minutes. I think I was supposed to get 24 but I got 19, and the amount of frosting I got was just right for 19 cupcakes.

Frosting

1 stick of unsalted butter
1 box of Domino confectionary sugar
1/4 cup half-and-half
1 teaspoon of pure vanilla

Whip for a while, color if you want.

I saw her say on Martha Stewart.."Oh, Martha. I never sift. That's just more to clean." I did sift though because no one likes biting into a lump of salt or flour.

& the finished product




To be perfectly honest I found them a bit dense, but they were delicious none the less.
& they are officially the first cupcakes I've made that my husband has totally devoured.

300 teeny weeny cupcakes

I blogged earlier about the potential job for a local store here.
This store, Blue 7, decided that they wanted to commission me for 300 teeny tiny bite sized vegan french toast cupcakes.

My first reaction was..oh shit there's no way I can pull that off by myself! No freakin way.
I decided I was going to call him & say thanks, but no thanks. I just don't think I can do it in my tiny kitchen with my crappy oven & my two little monkeys at my feet the entire time. Their favorite thing to do while I'm baking is dip their fingers in the batter. While that's fine when I'm baking for us or friends I didn't think the general public of Oklahoma City would appreciate snot, juice residue, or whatever other random things living on their hands in their cupcakes.
I got bullied into doing it though, being told all the things you get told when someone's trying to push you to better yourself..you'll regret it if you don't give it a shot. That kinda stuff that you know you need to hear but hate the person telling you because they're seriously inhibiting your ability to be as lazy as possible.
So, I gave in & called him telling him that he would indeed have his 300 cupcakes by 11:30am on Saturday, March 15th.

Now comes the question: How am I going to pull this off when I'm still a total amateur & have never baked more than 3 dozen at one time?
Through friends & family I was able to devise a game plan.
Wednesday was cleaning day. I put away every kitchen appliance that wasn't required for baking. I did every dish in the house, then wiped down every counter space in sight. I got out all the ingredients I would need for the next day & set them out. Every time I'd walk through the kitchen I'd prepare myself mentally & beg God for the willpower to get the job done.

Thursday was sifty mixy day. I sifted together all my dry ingredients & bagged them up in ziploc baggies.
Then I mixed together all my icing then stored the handy rubbermaid containers in my newly super clean refrigerator.

Friday was baking day. Dun dun dun...for some reason this was the day I was most apprehensive about.
But everything went remarkably well. Despite the fact that filling 300 tiny cupcake liners is a total pain in the ass & a serious strain on one's back, I got them all done.
I finished early enough to take the kids out shopping where they both scored a new pair of shoes in celebration of mommy's achievement.

Saturday morning I awoke at the literal ass crack of dawn to ice the cupcakes only to realize that my icing was way too thin. I miscalculated obviously. I should've known something was a-miss on Thursday when I had nearly 3 bags of powdered sugar left over even though we had calculated everything down to the last speck of flour. Instead I thought "Awesome! I have left over sugar for later!" After my poor husband talked me down from a near panic attack that would've warranted saying "step back in the window off the ledge" if we lived in a high rise apartment instead of a single wide trailer I did the super easy task of thickening the icing by just adding the missing sugar into the mix.
Then came the piping on of the icing. While I enjoy the outcome this is the part I hate the most. Filling a pastry bag is about as much fun to me as biking naked in January. But I pulled through it..
I then finished them off with a sprinkle of cinnamon & was finally finished.



I then proceeded to put on all new clothes-something I haven't done in ages. The night before I shaved my legs-gasp! & cut all my hair off.
I even smeared on a little makeup before delivering the goods.



I let Cory take the huge pastry boxes in before I went into the store. I don't know why but I didn't want to be there when they opened the boxes.
So I marched in after my husband, feeling hotter than ever, with one kid on a hip & the other holding my hand, & saw that they were all practically drooling over the cupcakes. They raved on & on about how delicious they were when I brought in the samples & how they couldn't wait to eat them all.

I collected my check then waltzed around the store, bought myself a scarf for a job well done, and left feeling more accomplished than ever. Save for the two times I pushed a human out of my vagina.

So there you have it...I am now a "professional" so to speak.
I take comfort in knowing that it couldn't possibly get worse than 300 tiny cupcakes, right?
& I've decided that in the future if I ever get ridiculously rich & famous for having the most amazing bakery in area I will hire an assistant whose only job will be to clean up after me. I'm still sweeping powdered sugar off my kitchen floor.

vegan golden vanilla cupcakes with vegan fluffy vanilla buttercream

My little girl requested blue cupcakes & who am I to refuse?
I decided to try my hand at another vegan recipe so I turned to my trusty Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World cookbook. If you don't have this one yet by the way you're really not livin. It has some of the most amazing recipes in it and is so enjoyable to flip through.

I present to you one of the most amazing cupcakes that has ever passed my lips.

1 cup soy milk
1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons cornstarch
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup soy margarine*
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon of whatever extract you choose. I opted for black walnut, but you can add in almond, caramel, lemon, more vanilla..whatever your heart desires.

*You can choose to use 1/3 cup canola oil if you don't have any margarine, just add an extra 1/2 teaspoon salt into the mix.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line muffin pan with cupcake liners.
Whisk the soy milk and vinegar in a measuring cup and set aside for a few minutes to get good & curdled.
Sift the flour, cornstarch, baking powder, baking soda, and salt into a large bowl and mix.
In a separate large bowl, use a handheld mixer at medium speed to cream the margarine and sugar for about 2 minutes until light and fluffy.
Beat in the vanilla and other extract, if using, then alternate beating in the soy milk mixture and dry ingredients, stopping to scrape the sides of the bowl a few times.
(If you're using oil beat together the soy milk mixture, oil, sugar, vanilla, and other extracts in a large bowl. Then sift in the flour, cornstarch baking powder, baking soda, and salt then mix until no large lumps remain.)
Fill cupcake liners 2/3 of the way and bake for 20-22 minutes till done.
Cool for 10 minutes in pan then transfer to wire rack & cool completely.
Inhale deeply & take in the incredible aroma that's now filling your kitchen.

Vegan fluffy buttercream frosting:
1/2 cup shortening
1/2 cup soy margarine
3 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar, sifted if clumpy
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/4 cup soy milk or soy creamer (they say to use plain soy milk but again, I used vanilla & it turned out fine)

Beat the shortening and margarine together until well combined and fluffy.
Add sugar and beat for about another 3 minutes.
Add the vanilla and soy milk, beat for another 5-7 minutes until fluffy.

I then colored the icing blue of course & Faith helped me top it off with pink sugar crystals, just because.

These are so vanilla-y, butter-y, fluffy and just down right perfect.
Enjoy!

Vegan French Toast Cupcakes

These were by FAR my favorite of the 3 kinds I made. They were so incredibly delicious & moist. My mouth is watering just thinking about them. The other two, I just took one bite of each to make sure they were suitable & surrendered the rest to the kids or Cory. This one though, I ate the whole cupcake. It was seriously yummy.

1 cup soy milk-vanilla or plain, doesn't matter. I used vanilla though.
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
1 1/4 cups flour
2 Tbs cornstarch
1 tsp ground cinnamon
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/3 cup canola oil
3/4 cup sugar
1 1/4 tsp maple extract
1 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350 degrees, line pans with paper liners.
Whisk soy milk and vinegar together in a large bowl and set aside to curdle. Curdle curdle curdle..what a disgusting word.
In a smaller bowl, sift together the flour, cornstarch, cinnamon, baking powder, baking soda and salt.
Add oil, sugar and extracts to the soy milk mixture and beat until mixed.
Add dry mixture to soy milk mixture and beat until no large lumps remain.
Fill cupcake liners 2/3 full and bake for 20-22 minutes or until tops spring back when lightly touched.
Cool in pan on wire rack for 10 minutes, then remove from pan and cool completely.

Vegan cream cheese frosting:
1/4 cup margarine softened-not all margarine you buy at the store is vegan, check your ingredients!
1/4 cup vegan cream cheese, softened
2 cups confectioner’s sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract

Cream together margarine and cream cheese.
Add sugar in 1/2 cup batches to avoid a mess. Mix until smooth and creamy.
Add vanilla and beat until smooth.

I was a bit weary of vegan cream cheese but I really couldn't tell the difference. I actually almost think it was better than the cream cheese frosting I usually make. It was so much lighter & fluffier. I even ate some of the cream cheese on a bagel this morning. Delicious.

Low Fat Mexican Hot Chocolate Cupcakes

I knew I wanted to do something chocolatey. This one was at the request of my husband. I was skeptical at first about the one in VCTOW so I decided to meld their recipe & Natalie's together. They turned out really delicious, but steer clear if you're not a chocolate fanatic. They were incredibly rich.

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, sifted
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp baking soda
Pinch salt
1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
3/4 cup strong brewed coffee, room temperature
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp almond extract
2 Tbs balsamic vinegar
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
I also tossed in a couple pinches of cayenne pepper

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and line a cupcake pan with paper liners.
Sift together the flour, cocoa powder, cinnamon, baking soda, salt, and cayenne pepper if you've decided to add it to the mix into a small bowl.
In a large bowl, whisk together the sugar, oil, coffee, vanilla and almond extracts.
Add the flour mixture, beating until smooth. Mix in balsamic vinegar.
Stir in chocolate chips. Give a few to your toddler because it's really not fair that you'd sneak a few & he wouldn't get any.
Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until tops of cupcakes spring back when lightly touched. Cool in pan for 10 minutes, then remove from pan and cool completely on wire rack.
And about the wire rack...seriously, they cost almost nothing & are worth the investment. They keep the bottoms of your cupcakes from getting all soggy.

Cinnamon cream cheese frosting:
4 oz low-fat (or vegan) cream cheese
1/4 cup butter (or your favorite soy margarine)
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, sifted
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 cups confectioner’s sugar

Blend the cream cheese and butter in a mixing bowl until well combined.
Add cocoa powder, cinnamon, vanilla and sugar (you might want to add the sugar a little at a time to avoid a mess and to make sure the frosting isn’t too stiff to spread.) Increase the speed and beat until fluffy.

I'm with Natalie on the frosting..it was so crazy rich that I didn't put much on. Just enough to top them off because a cupcake without icing is..well..just a muffin after all.
I also stuck a little bar of dark chocolate in the top of each cuppycake & it was a nice touch. They turned out quite well.

Applesauce Cupcakes with Vanilla Caramel Frosting

I knew I wanted to do something fruity for them to taste and this one sounded so delicious.

1 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 ground ginger
1/4 tsp ground allspice
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp salt
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
1 egg
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
2 Tbs buttermilk


Preheat your oven to 350 and line pan with paper liners.
Sift together the flour, baking power, cinnamon, baking soda, ginger, allspice, nutmeg and salt into a small bowl.
In a large bowl cream the sugar and butter. Add egg, beating well. Mix in vanilla and beat until smooth. In a small bowl, mix together applesauce and buttermilk.
Alternately beat flour mixture and buttermilk mixture into butter mixture. Make two additions of applesauce and three of flour. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until tops of cupcakes spring back when lightly touched.
Cool in pan for 10 minutes, then remove from pan and cool completely on wire rack.

I decided not to top them with buttercream because it's just way too sweet for me & it just didn't sound like a buttercreamy cupcake to me.
I used a frosting with whipping cream similar to the one I used on the oreo cookies & cream cupcakes.

for the frosting:
1 stick of butter, softened
1 3/4 cup confectioner's sugar
pinch of salt
1/3 cup whipping cream
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp caramel flavoring

Mix together butter, sugar, and salt til creamy, then increase speed & beat it til it's nice & fluffy.
Add in the whipping cream & your extracts, mix it all up.

These tasted so light & delicious, not too unlike my apple banana muffins. Just without the banana of course.

I tried to color the icing a deep red but had just enough red for a nice hot pink. I decided it was destiny & went with the flow. Then I topped each one with a lovely slice of apple.